Ali-the Bachelorette- Week 1

RECAP

And we're off...on what sounds like the "most dramatic Bachelorette ever"...around the world no less!

Night 1 is always quite painful to me whether it be the Bachelor or Bachelorette because each person out of the limo tries to come up with their own little way to stand out...and most fail miserably and you just end up feeling bad for them. This season was no exception. From the guy in the boots just like Ali...or not at all like Ali, to the, later to be discovered, JERK from Colorado that flipped off of the limo it was quite a night of intros. A few I will give credit to: The leaves were at least creative but I would have given him more props had he left the giant one in her hair!

The first and only exit out the top of the limo I have ever seen
The crutches...always the sympathy vote
cheesy...yes but it at least made her laugh a real laugh so we could stop hearing her annoying nervous giggle ah kirk...and we thought you outdid yourself with the paper rose...just waityou made a scrapbook too?! Well you get an A for effort and a bunch of crap from the guys.

ok I am just saying now that I like the Cape Cod boy...but still not sure why he lied about his mom...different if he had been the one just blurting it out, but to lie about it is kind of strange and I am guessing will cause an issue later

ok points for the cheesy song and double points for doing it in front of a bunch of the other guyshands down the MOST awkward discussion time with Ali all night...oh wait.... then comes SHOOTER...I don't even have words...

and the rest of the night looked like this

Rated R was saved from the wrath of the other guys votes by Ali giving him a rose and that was about the extent of the excitement for the night.

I have read the daily blogs and I am not sure why no one is talking about Ali...what was up with the dress with the bunny tail on it that she kept holding up so strangely? Was her hair yellow? Did she fall asleep in the tanning bed? Did she apply her makeup with a spatula? And what was wrong with her mouth? And I haven't even started on how awkward she was...this is going to be interesting!

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SO IN SUMMARY:

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First Impression Rose: Roberto

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Saved by Ali from house vote: Justin

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Sent packing early:

Derek from LA (not sure we even saw him)

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Derrick...or should I say shooter (no reason needed)

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Jason from CO (oh we're so proud that the biggest jerk on the first episode represents our state...glad to see him go)

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Jay (other than his preview video where he talked about the booming business of injury law we didn't hear much until he left)

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John N (seemed nice and pretty normal...gotta go)

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Kyle (another CO man...this one with heads all over his walls and she didn't even know that yet...guess she's tossing that one back in the sea)

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Phil from Chicago (also a seemingly normal and nice guy...won't last on the show)

Tyler M (guess his boots were made for walking!)

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And we once again have the blogs. Sadly my favorite gal is out on maternity leave but her replacement seems like she will be quite entertaining as well. Check out her blog recap here. Chris Harrison is also blogging the season once again here. And we can also get a weekly update from the Bachelorette herself here!

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Best Quotes of the week:

Frank: "I am now an aspiring screenwriter, so I moved back home with my parents, writing scripts. Passion is so much more important than money..." Well Frank we shall see what Ali thinks when she learns that choosing you could mean moving in with your parents as well.

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Craig M.- when leaving for a night on the town in Toronto in his suit and BRIGHT pink shirt "Watch ouuuut Toronto...when I go out and hit the clubs...I'm definitely good with the girls, it always goes over well."

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Ty- "I was married for about two years, and I only got divorced a few months back..." RUN ALI RUN!!!

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Tyler M. "I noticed the very second you got out of that limo you were rocking the cowboy boots...you weren't? Well I swear you were wearing cowboy boots...well ok well I am..."

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Justin "I think Craig's actually here to maybe get more hair products."

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and non-show quotes-

insecure girl + reject guys= major crazy factor. must see tv

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If anyone picked shooter for anything, they get -1 million points.

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why is she wearing a brooch on her booty?

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POINTS- WEEK 1

**you can see the weekly point spread to the right**

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The person guessing the most guys getting booted correctly was Crystal getting 6 out of 8 for 18 points. She was followed closely by Park Slope with 5 for 15 points.

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Jake was said 11 times, which no one guessed exactly. The closest guess was 10 by Brittni and Sparrow and 12 by Catherine and Natae.

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The "wrong reasons" or "right reasons" was fired off at a rapid pace with final count last night being 16...my guess is this season will be full of them. Sparrow was the closest with 14 as her guess.

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The first impression rose went to Roberto, way to go Hilary and Caroline.

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No guys went suitless. Sarah was the only one to guess that correctly.

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Ali racked up the gifts...more than I have seen on any other season with 10 as the final count. Christine was the closest, guessing 12.

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Ali said "amazing" 6 times, which is exactly what Caroline and Emily guessed.

And finally...blue was quite the popular color. 8 guys chose blue, as did Clare, Catherine and Natae.

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BONUS-

Roberto was the wise choice for bonus since he got the rose. Which means he got Hilary some bonus points.

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The guys to get 1 on 1 time were: Frank, Kirk, Kasey, Derrick (shooter), Roberto, Chris L., Justin, Craig R., Jesse and Ty

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This past week I did not deduct points for way over or way under guessing because I forgot to mention it in the email. However, from now on if you are off by more than 10 on a guess you will be deducted 5 points for the answer.

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Questions Week #2

1. Which 3 guys are sent home?

2. Which two guys almost get in a fight (points for each correct...extra if you get both)?

3. Who are the two guys that get 1 on 1 dates?

4. Which guy gets the rose on the group date?

5. How many times will Ali play with her hair?

6. How many guys will Ali kiss?

7. Which guys will Ali kiss? (+5 for each right guess -5 for each wrong guess)

8. How many times will the other guys say Justin?

Future

Who will be the final guy? (you can choose to stay with your original pick or switch to someone else...you will get points at the end for however long you had the correct answer)

Bonus

pick one guy as your bonus guy for the week and get points based on the following:

1. 5 points for a rose

2. 10 points for the rose on the group date

3. 10 points for a 1 on 1

4. -5 points for talking about any of the other guys

5. -5 for fighting

the LAME end!

Here we are at the end of our time with Jake

After months of that smile and laugh that are so fake...

He is down to his final rose

We're all waiting in suspense to see who stays and who goes!

It has been quite a flight

Starting on that very first night

With a two headed quarter, a feather and sand

To Vienna touching his abs with her hand

A Cambodian girl talking about her landing strip

And not one but two girls who tripped

We then had some drama with Roz

Which after she was booted Vienna would then cause

A trip to Sea World with the kid

And a comedy club outing where all the jokes were stupid

A jump off a bridge that then put Vienna ahead

While all we could do was shake our heads!

Then they head for a trip up the coast

After the end of the week remaining girls' toast

The group date from hell in the sand

That ends up in a hotel where Ashleigh's touching gets out of hand

Then we learn more about Gian than simply her clothes

And a two on one date that ends with Jake burning a rose

The next stop is San Francisco for some fun

And Vienna and Gia get the two on one

Tenley and Jake have their date in China town which to them seems foreign

Then Jake and Corrie have a date that is rather borin'

Ali gets to show him around her city

Which involves a make out session in the park that isn't pretty

New York is the first town of the hometown dates

And the date ends with Gia's mom determining their fates

Then Jake in his stupid scarf and gloves

Heads to the house of the grandmother that Ali loves

The date in Oregon is the best part

As Tenley shows him the dance from her heart

The last date is in the Florida sun

And after meeting Vienna's family it is clear he should RUN!

But alas Ali chooses her job over Jake

Which means Jake doesn't have a decision to make

Off to the island of St. Lucia the final three go

They all choose the fantasy suite and...you know

Ali calls Jake with a plea

But Jake tells her he has fallen more in love with the other three

Gia is sent home at the end

Which brings us to this journey's final bend...

Is it Tenley and her squeaky high voice...

Or the trashy girl from Florida for his final choice?!

We'll have to wait and see who this pilot that soars above

Chooses on this final episode of ON THE WINGS OF LOVE

And so the final episode begins with the two remaining girls meeting Jake's family.

Tenley is up first and not surprisingly the family LOVES her! She has Jakes dad in tears many times and just fits right in with the family. They all tell Jake how much they love her. Then...

it is Vienna's turn to meet the family who is already very skeptical of her (and rightfully so!). She is asked and given many chances to redeem herself which I don't believe she ever really does, however at some point and somehow she gets back in their good graces and they tell Jake they like her as well. I personally feel the whole visit was painful...but I am sure ABC helped to make sure we thought that.

Then it is time for what the Bachelor has deemed last chance dates...

Vienna and Jake go to the sulfur hot springs which she is disgusted by until she realizes they can smear mud all over each other and then...

make out under a waterfall. They end the date back at her place and overall it seems like they had a great day...DARN IT!!

Tenley's date is a boat ride and snorkeling...and Jake telling her there is not much chemistry, so...

Tenley does her best to show Jake that chemistry when they are back at her place, meanwhile we are all telling her to give up and he is not worth it...but oh well.

Then there is the choosing of rings...the back and forth...and then ALAS...Jake has made his decision. Is it just me, or if you are the girl he DOES proposed to are you not going to be a little thrown off seeing how long it takes him to decide and then he proposes what 2 hours later? Oh well...

None of us are too surprised as we see Tenley get out of the helicopter first after their flop of a date. Tenley is gracious and even upbeat on her goodbye...Jake...this is you making a BIG mistake!

Then he pulls a "mesnick" and cries on the railing...then he rallies and...

his Hooters girl, I mean his love arrives...

after a drawn out returning of her promise to not elope again ring from her father (which in and of itself should be sending off sirens in his head) he gets down on one knee and makes what is probably the biggest mistake of his life

We did agree that this was probably the best Vienna looked the ENTIRE show. We still are missing the "smoking hot" girl he keeps talking about.

Fast forward to After the Final Rose

First Chris brings out Tenley and makes her watch her sad departure, then digs the knife in a little more, then it is time for some answers from Jake.

Of which Tenley gets none. I have to post the line from my favorite blogger here because I was laughing so hard while reading it this week "It wasn't really physical, he goes on to say, before repeating about 100 times that he doesn't know why he didn't feel it with Tenley. Well, that's the Bachelor for you: a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside a dumbass."

Then it is time for his "baby" (gag) to come out and grace us with this lovely kiss before they go on to tell us how happy they are, how the tabloids are unfair, and how she is moving to Dallas.If this picture doesn't make you want to puke a little bit then I am pretty sure you didn't watch this season that closely!

And finally the news we all already knew...Ali will be the next Bachelorette going with ABC's theme of not picking anyone new to be on these shows! But...I am sure I will still watch it.

Other recaps of the week: My favorite blog here, Chris Harrison here and Jake here

BEST NON-SHOW QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

"Tenley is the wife he thinks he needs, but then he realizes he has a kinky side."

"He loves her like a sister...LYLAS."

"His shirt is off...no it's not it is just flesh colored."

"They didn't jump in the pool (talking about Jake and Vienna)...her dress was white...you think that would stop her?!"

"There has to be something fundamentally wrong with her (about Tenley)...yeah her voice"

"Where did her hand just go?"

"I need a bucket to throw up in"

"Wow, Vienna looks almost presentable...but then there are her eyes...yeah and her man face."

FINAL POINTS:

**points are update on the right**

Well we all got smoked in some of these guesses this week not knowing that Jake would use the word "family" every other word for the first part of the show, so I have simply eliminated some categories that no one was even close in.

Final Choice: unfortunately Vienna, which all but Jen, Bri, Jill and Christine chose (those guesses being out of principle)

Love was said 72 times...with the highest guess of 34 by Park Slope...no points given for this category.

Final Rose was said 5times- giving Emily 15 points for guessing exactly and others points based on how close they were.

Tough/Toughest was not said nearly as often as I thought with it only being said 2 times giving Brittni 15 points for guessing exactly and others points based on how close they were.

Oh my goodness the crying was NUTS!! The highest guess was 5 by Christine when in fact 8 people cried! All got points based on how close they were.

Decision was said a mere 6 times giving Brooke, Emily and Jen 15 points for guessing exactly and others points based on how close they were.

Vienna was said a whopping 52 times and no one was even close so no points were given.

Tenley was said 56 times, again far surpassing any guess so no points were given.

And the final one that we all WAY underestimated was "family" which was said 31 times! Again no points were given

CONGRATS TO EMILY FOR WINNING THIS SEASON!!

Well crew it has been fun, signing off...until THE BACHELORETTE May 24th!!

(keep your eyes peeled for the emails for the next round of true love found on television)

**I will be posting pics from the local finale party on here...please send me pics from your own finale if you have them!**

Gia is GONE...

RECAP

We head to St. Lucia with the Jake who puts his stuff down in his room then poses for a photo/video opp on the balcony.

Then it is time for dates with the remaining 3 that really just involve lots of making out, in pools, the ocean, on the beach, bath tubs...and that is just the first girl! :)

Did this week seem like the same date over and over to anyone else?!

Date #1- Gia

Gia and Jake take a stroll through the cheesy touristy markets to get a "feel for the culture" with the rest of the tourists...then head to the beach where they can make out in the water and on the sand. Then it is time for dinner and a SHOCKING twist of a card from Chris Harrison letting them know they can forgo their own rooms to stay together...and off they go to their rose petals and bubble bath.

Date #2- Tenley

I know a lot of people like Tenley, and I think I would too if she didn't have to talk. I just cringe every time she opens her mouth and out comes the Minnie Mouse voice...ahhhh!!

They take off in a helicopter to see the island (for sure getting a better date than Gia already!) then they land in the rain forest for a picnic and some more babbling conversation. Then they are off to dinner and we all are waiting to see if she chooses to forgo her individual room...

which she does in her squeaky voice and through her bangs over almost her entire face.

And look at that...their own private make out pool and a night of cuddling...

Date #3- Vienna

GAG! A pirate ship, really?! I hope everyone else was ready to puke during the walk the plank scene...blah! I cannot believe Vienna is still here and I cannot believe he thinks she is "smoking hot!!" EVERY week I wonder if he is looking at the same girl I am...

then I realize yes, yes he is and conclude HE DESERVES HER!

After their make out session on the beach they head to dinner where Vienna also chose to forgo her own room and entered the shared rose covered domain and donned probably the classiest thing she has worn this entire season, her white lingerie.

THEN...the NOT SURPRISING AT ALL telephone call...

who could it be?!

It's Ali...being set up to be tv's the Batchelorette!! I'm not the only one already talking about it:

Chris Harrison discusses it here.

And Ellen HOPES for it here.

And after about 2 minutes of Jake pretending he is trying to decide he says no he wants to keep his tramp and his Minnie Mouse and for a few more minutes his swimsuit model.

Then the rose ceremony...where he announces a little bluntly to all of the girls that he is in love with each of them...

then promptly boots Gia.

SO IN SUMMARY

Gia gets the boot...after getting to stay a week longer than she would have...thank you Ali.

Ali gets denied a return to the show...left to work and thinking about Jake...but really holding on to the fact that she will more than likely be the next Bachelorette since ABC seems to now refuse to go with someone completely new!

Weekly blogs: best one EVER make sure you read it here, Chris Harrison's blog here and Jake's lame blog here

Best non-show quotes of the week:

Sparrow (who we sucked in for the first time this week)- "That castle looks like a penis" about the castle next to where Tenley and Jake danced to no music

Sparrow- "does he really sleep with all of them?!" clearly a newbie to this show!!!

Kevin- "shocked that a divorces hooters waitress is still alive afte the "who can give the bachelor the best sex week" just shocked!!

Bri- "no sparrow...they just cuddle all night"

Week 7 Results

**points updates on the right hand side***

Gia sent packing gives Laurie, Brea, Brooke, Jill, Bri, Ellie, Christine, Kevin and Park Slope 10 points

There were 10 different swim suits in the episode which no one guessed exactly but everyone got points for how close they were to the actual number.

Only Vienna said she loved him...the other two reasonable gals saying they were "falling" in love with him which gave Jill and Kevin 15 points for guessing exactly and everyone else points for how close they were to the actual number.

Gia like rattled off like 19 likes during like the episode giving Brooke 15 points for guessing exactly.

Tenley said ex a shockingly low number of 2 times...not saying she didn't talk about him many more times but only called him ex twice which no one guessed she could do!

"The End" was said 3 times giving Brooke, Bri and Ellie 15 points for guessing exactly and the rest points for how close you were.

"Rose" was said 7 times giving Brooke and Park Slope 15 points for guessing exactly.

Ali was said 10 times which no one guessed exactly.

All 3 girls chose to forgo their own rooms and hit up the fantasy suite giving Laurie, Brea, Bri, Ellie, Christine and Kevin 15 points for guessing exactly.

Jake did not cry once, not talking to Ali or letting Gia go...which NONE of us thought possible so no one guessed exactly.

Week 8- Women Tell All

Same structure as this week where you will get point based on how close you are, but negative if you are more than 10 away. These guesses will include any video clips that are chosen to be shown.

1. How many times will inappropriate be said?

2. How many candles will be sitting on the table next to Chris Harrison?

3. How many times will Chris Harrison say ladies?

4. How many times will Rozlyn or (Roz) be said?

5. Which ladies will be chosen for direct interviews (10 points each correct, -5 for each wrong one)

6. How many girls will be wearing red?

7. How many times will "falling in love" be said?

8. How many times will crazy be said?

9. How many audience questions will be asked?

10. How many girls will throw another girl under the bus talking about them?

Then back to St. Lucia for the finale...until then!

Should I stay or should I go....

RECAP

Jake heads out across the US for hometown dates this week.

First stop NYC to meet Gia's family (her mom, step dad, brother and step-brother)

Her brother tells Jake that if he hurts Gia he'll hurt him...all 120lbs of him will for sure do a number on Jake!

Then Jake is off to Mass to meet Ali's family, but only after visiting the empty house of her dead grandmother which is a bit strange. I did love that her mom googled Jake in preparation for the visit. We also learn during this visit that Jake is a wuss when it comes to cold...GET RID OF THAT STUPID SCARF!!

Hometown number 3 takes Jake to Tenley, and what is to be a performance of a lifetime. I really didn't things could get much more painful than their date in Chinatown...but I was Wrong with a captial W!! We spent the next 5 minutes after the dance discussing whether or not that really just happened. Wow...Tenley is for sure too close to the divorce that just happened this past year but somehow she keeps staying.

And last, but definitely not least, we head to the swamp for the hometown with Vienna. I must confess her family is not at ALL what I had pictured as she talked about how her dad kept buying her new cars, etc. Wow...I don't even really know what to say about them! Jake's 1 on 1 time with Vienna's dad is nothing short of blah...just like Vienna. He deserves Vienna if he has not gotten the idea to run and run fast now based on her family AND the hate of all of the other girls!

Then...the DRAMA! Ali must decide to stay or to go...word on the street is that she works for Facebook...a job she doesn't want to give up. Well cheers to you Ali for deciding that taking a chance on this show is not worth throwing your life away. I mean let's be honest it isn't like Jake couldn't come back to you when the show is over anyway, or as we've already seen on a previous season you could go and come back...who knows! No need to be so upset, even though the rest of us are since now it is down to Gia, Tenley and Vienna!

SO IN SUMMARY

Ali self eliminates

the blogs for the week: best blog ever here, chris harrison here, and jake here

Best non-show quotes of the week:

Kevin- Ali's hometown date: Here is my dead grandmother's haunted house. We can't sell it because the real estate market is awful and it looks like something out of the hobbit. Sabrina Soto from HGTV would not help us, but abc was nice enough to try. It can be yours for 35k Jake.

Brea- those girls must be like WTF?! (in reference to the 3 still waiting in the rose room)

Brea- "Vienna is like ding dong the wicked witch is dead" in reference to Ali leaving

Bri- as jake describes Tenley as bright and vivid "yeah just like her dress!"

WEEK 6 RESULTS

**new totals on the right**

Next week we will start up a new way for points as we wind down to the final episodes, explained below, but here are the results for this week:

Ali left the show giving Laurie, Brea, Emily, Brittni, Ellie and Kevin 10 points

Hometown was said 6 times giving Catherine 10 points for guessing exactly

Daughter was said 9 times giving Laurie 9 points for guessing 8 and Ellie 9 points for guessing 10

Stupid laugh, while this category was hard to qualify, we ended up with 11 giving Brooke 10 points

Crying...my goodness the question should have been who didn't cry?! With Gia, Gia's mom, Ali, Tenley, Tenley's mom, Tenley's dad, Tenley's sister, Vienna, Vienna's dad, Vienna's mom, Vienna's sister and Jake all crying Clare gets the points for having the highest guess with 6.

WEEK 7

This coming week you will get points for how close you come to the actual number so that more people are able to gain points. If you are off by more than 10 in any of your guesses you will lose 5 points.

1. Who is sent packing after over night dates?

2. How many different bathing suits are in the episode?

3. How many of the girls tell Jake they love him?

4. How many times will Gia say "like"?

5. How many times will Tenley say ex?

6. How many times will "the end" be said?

7. How many times will rose be said?

8. How many times will Ali be said?

9. How many of the girls accept the fantasy suite?

10. How many times does Jake cry/get teary?

Until next week...